the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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