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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dont have a dog?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  WTF

  Fav 7 1239 1720

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I just barfed on his mom.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.

  Fav 8 1059 1519

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

  Fav 15 8246 1440

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• (858): View more from California

  I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.

  Fav 67 4235 2590

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• (805): View more from California

  In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career

  Fav 18 4879 834

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?

  Fav 15 3063 1298

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.

  Fav 8 2495 924

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore

  Fav 7 1171 2418

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me

  Fav 5 974 1655

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• (315): View more from New York

  My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.

  Fav 7 2916 835

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay

  Fav 4 539 675

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I think that about sums it up, actually.

  Fav 10 1346 592

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it

  Fav 1 444 166

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...

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