mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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