nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
More tranny stories later!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Congratulations! We have a period
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