If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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