just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
