I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
