yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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