Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
