Please, let me fuck your mom
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The uberlube is also flammable
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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