I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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