if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
