I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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