ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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