just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
