i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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