She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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