he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
