I molested 6 butterflies tonight
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
