My liver just broke up with me...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was CRYING into my vagina
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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