Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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