tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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