Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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