So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
