I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
