I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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