I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
