this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
