I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
