You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
