I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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