I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
