I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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