I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
