Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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