I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
