all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
