It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
