Will you blow on my dice?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
