trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
