Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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