Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
