So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
