you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
