Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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