I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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