I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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