Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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