it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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