Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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