It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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