he puts the penis in happiness.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
