I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
