You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
