I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
