i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
