508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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