She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
