redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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