somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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