yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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