I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
