I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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