It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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