i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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