Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
