No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
