Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
