She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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