I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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