Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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