We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize