She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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