Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
