I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
