Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
