I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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