OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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