But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
