I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
