Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
